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Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations

Postby partofit22 on Fri Jun 13, 2014 1:18 pm

http://www.everydayzen.org/teachings/2013/difficult-conversations-talk-1

Meg Alexander and Norman Fischer give the first talk on this series on Difficult Conversations based on the book "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Shela Heen.
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Re: Difficult Conversations

Postby Chrisd on Fri Jun 13, 2014 3:18 pm

Anything that stood out for you partofit? It looks like a long talk.
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Re: Difficult Conversations

Postby partofit22 on Sat Jun 14, 2014 1:13 pm

Yes- The part where he said (not completely verbatim) what makes a difficult conversation difficult is that we know what we think already, we think we know what we have to say, we imagine what we have to say is going to be hard for the other person to hear, that it's going to upset the other person and that we will be on the receiving end of that upset so naturally avoid engaging in that conversation- But suppose we didn't assume that what we think is actually what the issue is- Suppose we assumed that every time we have an issue that upsets us that it's never about what we think is upsetting us but something else- We don't know what that something else could be, but it's probably something else other than what we think it is- And that when we think we know what the other person is about, what their motives are, what their story is, assume that's not probably true either-

He also covered a little bit about how practicing loving kindness and being non-confrontational can mask the necessity to communicate- So that you really have to investigate that question- That area of practice- Which seems conflicting with practicing not sharing our suffering with others, something that has previously been discussed here on this forum-

I think people don't want to talk- Myself included- It's physically uncomfortable- And when looking at the person you're speaking to it's uncomfortable to watch as well- Yet I feel compelled- Perhaps because it appears, to me, that making physical changes in situations doesn't alone cover all the bases in any relationship-
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