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Don't harden your heart

Discussion of Zen Buddhism-in-action, application in daily life.

Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby partofit22 on Wed Jul 15, 2015 5:00 am

doormat: applied to a person upon whom people ‘wipe their boots’ (and doesn't protest)

protest: a personal, often unconscious, dissent or attempted dissociation from one's self or circumstances due to feelings of inferiority

In the story Clyde shared, Palden Gyatso was a prisoner- Perhaps in more ways than one, almost- He said, "The worst thing was that the Chinese almost made me lose my compassion for them."

In other words, he came very close to blaming the Chinese, he came very close to viewing himself, and them, as separate- He came very close to severing himself from his own heart- He was scarred, but his heart didn't harden-
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Maitri on Wed Jul 15, 2015 5:44 am

partofit22 wrote:doormat: applied to a person upon whom people ‘wipe their boots’ (and doesn't protest)

protest: a personal, often unconscious, dissent or attempted dissociation from one's self or circumstances due to feelings of inferiority

In the story Clyde shared, Palden Gyatso was a prisoner- Perhaps in more ways than one, almost- He said, "The worst thing was that the Chinese almost made me lose my compassion for them."

In other words, he came very close to blaming the Chinese, he came very close to viewing himself, and them, as separate- He came very close to severing himself from his own heart- He was scarred, but his heart didn't harden-


Ah, the light is coming on. lol Okay, so my question is this then. The person I have in my mind who has wronged me repeatedly...and has shown little to no remorse, if I lose compassion for this person, it is not their fault, but rather it is mine, you are saying? I think I understand. I guess it really boils down to that no one can make me lose me compassion or harden my heart, we only think that. We make a choice to harden it or to feel compassion. Regardless of what is being ''done'' to us.

I'm afraid that I'm understanding. lol For many years, I have carried myself like this, and the attraction to Zen is that I don't want to be this way any longer. If there was one thing I could change about myself in an instant, if I were granted one wish, it would be to not run away when I'm hurt by someone. Now with this person in mind, I have tried to understand and be compassionate, but they keep hurting me. I believe they don't wish to change, they just wish people to cater to them. Having said that, my heart has hardened over this...and I want to change that. Thank you for your patience everyone, in helping me understand this ... :O:
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby partofit22 on Wed Jul 15, 2015 1:56 pm

Maitri wrote:If there was one thing I could change about myself in an instant, if I were granted one wish, it would be to not run away when I'm hurt by someone.


That's understandable- Words don't have to hurt, and nobody has to run from words as a response- However, when relationships deteriorate to the point of abuse it's smart to seek refuge-
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby partofit22 on Wed Jul 15, 2015 6:48 pm



:dance:
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Linda Anderson on Wed Jul 15, 2015 7:20 pm

:)X

:heya: Maitri,
Back in the day, Lisa was a major collaborator on this forum. She puts the period on this sentence! Her music is part of her practice if I may say so.

ps: Nice to see you Lisa!
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Melon flowers bloomed.
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby partofit22 on Thu Jul 16, 2015 2:20 am

To be clear .. I'm not suggesting move on from a partner, or future partners, simply because relationships tend to be difficult- I'm suggesting to move away from abuse, if there is any in play, if your safety is threatened- Do what you need to do to get out of harms way-
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Chrisd on Thu Jul 16, 2015 12:02 pm

wow Lisa plays nice blues

if she'll allow me to make a quote.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJZE29b ... vw9OPi2tkQ

lisa mann wrote:confusion doubt and worry they wait for those who pick and choose. There's only one thing left to do, you've got to surrender to the blues.


0:20: anybody hear the: "I am a cupcake son."? :tee:
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Maitri on Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:37 am

partofit22 wrote:To be clear .. I'm not suggesting move on from a partner, or future partners, simply because relationships tend to be difficult- I'm suggesting to move away from abuse, if there is any in play, if your safety is threatened- Do what you need to do to get out of harms way-

I appreciate this, one of the people I have in mind, was abusive. Still is, in an emotional way, and I just know that he is toxic and better off not in my life. Thank you for sharing this with me.
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Maitri on Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:38 am

Linda Anderson wrote::)X

:heya: Maitri,
Back in the day, Lisa was a major collaborator on this forum. She puts the period on this sentence! Her music is part of her practice if I may say so.

ps: Nice to see you Lisa!


How great, and nice to meet you too, Lisa. :Namaste:
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Linda Anderson on Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:44 am

Maitri wrote:Ah, the light is coming on. lol Okay, so my question is this then. The person I have in my mind who has wronged me repeatedly...and has shown little to no remorse, if I lose compassion for this person, it is not their fault, but rather it is mine, you are saying? I think I understand. I guess it really boils down to that no one can make me lose me compassion or harden my heart, we only think that. We make a choice to harden it or to feel compassion. Regardless of what is being ''done'' to us.

I'm afraid that I'm understanding. lol For many years, I have carried myself like this, and the attraction to Zen is that I don't want to be this way any longer. If there was one thing I could change about myself in an instant, if I were granted one wish, it would be to not run away when I'm hurt by someone. Now with this person in mind, I have tried to understand and be compassionate, but they keep hurting me. I believe they don't wish to change, they just wish people to cater to them. Having said that, my heart has hardened over this...and I want to change that. Thank you for your patience everyone, in helping me understand this ... :O:


dear heart, I suggest that you go beyond ideas about zen that we should be compassionate and not remove outselves from toxic relationships in the name of compassion... this is nothing more but spiritual correctness. Compassion needs no invitation. The rest is crazy making. Zen is an invitation to find yourself.

whose so-called fault it is, being wronged or wronging doesn't "boil down to anything"... there is nothing to learn, there is no understanding much as I wanted it to be so. Perhaps you are starting to suspect that we have no power over compassion or the lack of it... if we hold up ideals like compassion, we are left being unable to deliver... and, it becomes our greatest obstacle. Compassion arises naturally when we are ready. Practice is something else and so is simply relaxing into not knowing on the path of a broken heart. I tried for years to put experience into an understandable frame for freedom... it just doesn't work. The heart knows best when grace appears, not until. As far as I know, zen gives us a steady rudder, but it has no answers until you see them. Until then, I dug in the same hole... even dogs know better. :)

Wishing you lots of patience, be kind to yourself.... it could be a while swinging in the breeze of glimpsing freedom and wanting to soften the hardened heart... I'm hearing the many voices. Trust me, I've been on this path, knowing that I've moved through and then discovering that there's still more... and round and I round I go ... its the job of the mind who wants something else. All I can say is, love yourself and let it run to the point of exhaustion... and to the place of peace.

The good news is that you are not alone and that there is nothing outside of yourself/ourselves. It seems to me that your responses live the question... trust that you can hold the question as if a hot coal.

Many Blessings
linda

:Namaste:

ps: from my experience, give it time... hold this until it speaks to you over and over. We have many beings inside that need to be loved.
Last edited by Linda Anderson on Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Melon flowers bloomed.
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Linda Anderson on Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:14 am

Palden Gyatso holds the space for each of us to live with an open heart. Sometimes it's not pretty. When I am able, I bow down to the mystery of burning in the fire. If you ask me, this talk about cessation is a product of mind.... there is no sitting around waiting for someone to tell me everything. Wow, look at all these ppl together!
Not last night,
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Melon flowers bloomed.
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby partofit22 on Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:01 pm

Linda Anderson wrote:Wow, look at all these ppl together!


:ghug:
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Guo Gu on Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:11 pm

don't harden your heart: don't reify yourself, others, and situations to be one way or another.

there's so much happening in meeting those who harm us or and abusive relationships. it's never one-sided or simple. it takes strength to acknowledge this. until then, avoid it, heal oneself, and try to forgive. when one is strong enough, however, look into oneself and discover genuine wisdom and compassion.

be free,
guo gu
Founder and teacher of Tallahassee Chan Center of the Dharma Drum Lineage of Chan Buddhism
http://www.tallahasseechan.org/
Received inka from Master Sheng Yen (1930-2009) in 1995
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby partofit22 on Fri Jul 17, 2015 10:51 pm

Simply put, beautiful, thank you-
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby TTT on Mon Jul 20, 2015 5:21 am

I bow down to the mystery of burning in the fire.


In Tibet: en buddhist tradition lamas burn some sacret text. This is just symbolic for transition time. To "practis" thet is a fortunate not for the meny.
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Maitri on Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:43 am

I want to say thank you for helping me process a few things as of late. As an update, there were two people in my life who I reached out to recently, and mended fences. I did the reaching. They used to do the reaching. I always stayed walled up, and thought I was safe and strong doing this. But, after reaching out recently, something inside of me changed. I became relieved. It is as though a weight had been lifted off of my chest, and I could breathe. All this time, with the one person it had been years of staying guarded...I wouldn't let myself show compassion for them. But, recently, I did. And not just an mere gesture, I reached out and said that I was wrong to stay guarded. They were grateful, but I didn't do it for their reaction. I did it because it set me free ...all this time, I had no idea that I was responsible for my own anger and angst towards these two people. I thought they were responsible. The only drawback is that the one person seemed so happy to hear from me, and then now is pulling away. This person chased me for a long time to try to get me to mend fences, now I do...and he pulls away? But, I let it go. I've done my part, and I can't control what that person does, nor do I wish to. When people think of Zen, they think something very whimsical or warm and fuzzy. It is beyond all of that, it is honestly about finding yourself and often that requires some heavy lifting because sometimes, we ...the actual 'we' is buried under a lot of stuff.

Like pride. :Namaste:
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Maitri on Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:44 am

Guo Gu wrote:don't harden your heart: don't reify yourself, others, and situations to be one way or another.

there's so much happening in meeting those who harm us or and abusive relationships. it's never one-sided or simple. it takes strength to acknowledge this. until then, avoid it, heal oneself, and try to forgive. when one is strong enough, however, look into oneself and discover genuine wisdom and compassion.

be free,
guo gu


I like this thank you so much...
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Re: Don't harden your heart

Postby Michaeljc on Thu Jul 23, 2015 10:32 am

I've done my part


:Namaste:
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