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Something is wrong with me

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Something is wrong with me

Postby zenci on Wed Aug 23, 2017 11:23 am

I have a belief that something is wrong with me. What does this mean?
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Re: Something is wrong with me

Postby jundo on Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:31 pm

zenci wrote:I have a belief that something is wrong with me. What does this mean?


What do you think is wrong with you? Please see a medical doctor or licensed mental health professional to be checked.

If you problem is merely existential, then Zazen will help solve it. Otherwise, please do the above.

Gassho, Jundo
Founder Treeleaf Zendo, Japan. Member SZBA. Treeleaf is an online Sangha for those unable to commute to a Sangha, w/ netcast Zazen, interaction with other practitioners and teachers & all activities of a Soto Sangha, fully online without charge (http://www.treeleaf.org) Nishijima/Niwa
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Re: Something is wrong with me

Postby zenci on Wed Aug 23, 2017 4:14 pm

Thank you Jundo. I am mentally well. I have seen therapists in the past and might see them again. But I want to know what remedy Zen offers for me.

Yes it is an existential problem. I feel like my existance is wrong.

I do sit. When this "thing" comes up I sit with it.
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Re: Something is wrong with me

Postby Judy Roitman on Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:36 am

Dear Zenci,

I remember feeling that way. I felt that way for a long time. Finally I found a wonderful therapist and after working with her for a couple of years I suddenly realized: it doesn't have to be that way! And the feeling was gone. It has never come back. Sure, at times I have all the usual stuff we like to avoid (anger, sadness, etc.) but that feeling that my intrinsic self was wrong, that feeling was gone.

This was before Zen practice. Now that I have been practicing for nearly 40 years and I understand that this feeling I had that everything about me was wrong was just that, a feeling. It wasn't real. It had no substance. It was like a dream, a bad dream, but still, a dream. If you see this for yourself, maybe you will have the same experience I had — it doesn't have to be that way! and then it can disappear.

You say you sit with this feeling. What is your practice? Whatever your practice is, just bring your mind back to it. Don't follow your thinking or your feeling. Instead, when you notice a feeling or a thought, just look at it steadily for a moment, perceive its substance, then go back to your practice. Every time it comes up, just perceive: "what is its substance?" But don't linger. Don't get caught.

Good luck,

Judy
Judy Roitman (Zen Master Bon Hae), Kansas Zen Center, Kwan Um School of Zen
www.kansaszencenter.org
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