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I don't know what I'm doing.

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I don't know what I'm doing.

Postby no-step on Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:18 am

I attended my first sesshin last weekend. It was three days. My practice was just sitting. I noticed, at the end when I was allowed to look at other people's faces, that everyone else was glowing with bliss (or relief that it was over?). When they were given a moment to say a few short words, most of the people who spoke expressed gratitude and nice spiritual feelings, while I felt like I was coming down from a bad acid trip. There was no special inner turmoil, but I felt confused and depleted. My practice was just to let whatever arises be as it already is, not waiting for the next bell to ring or trying to focus in any particular way. I just sat there, yet I think I must have been doing something wrong because my head felt like block of cement and by the end I was not feeling especially open. I have heard people talk about their senses being clearer and brighter after retreats. Mine were duller. The only noticeable 'progression' was in the bizarre patterns forming in floor boards. I feel disheartened by the experience.
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Re: I don't know what I'm doing.

Postby Guo Gu on Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:26 am

dear no-step,
my suggestion is for you to consult with the teacher who led the session. without knowing how you have been practicing, it is hard to comment. that said, as you know practice goes up and down, up and down. it normal. don't be discouraged. this too, is to "let whatever arises be as it already is."
in general, when you sit your body should be upright but relaxed, with your sense gravity downward--allowing you to feel relaxed, rooted, and stable. if you're not relaxed, then you'll be top heavy and tension will build up in the head regions, not to mention your breathing shallow, irregular.
anyway, just a few pointers for now. talk with the teacher who led the session.
be well,
guo gu
Founder and teacher of Tallahassee Chan Center of the Dharma Drum Lineage of Chan Buddhism
http://www.tallahasseechan.com/
Received inka from Master Sheng Yen (1930-2009) in 1995
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Re: I don't know what I'm doing.

Postby no-step on Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:41 pm

Thank you for your response, Guo Gu. I spoke with the teacher shortly after posting.
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Re: I don't know what I'm doing.

Postby Guo Gu on Sun Nov 06, 2016 4:31 pm

it's all good?
guo gu
Founder and teacher of Tallahassee Chan Center of the Dharma Drum Lineage of Chan Buddhism
http://www.tallahasseechan.com/
Received inka from Master Sheng Yen (1930-2009) in 1995
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Guo Gu
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Posts: 1271
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:52 pm
Location: Tallahassee, FL


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